Alex Papan: ‘Sometimes I think….’

Sometimes I think

I should not think at all,

But I can’t,

I think.


Sometimes I think,

(That) girl on the other side is very beautiful and

I want to kiss her.

But I don’t dare,

Nevertheless I think.


Sometimes I think I want to deep-dive

some kilometers,

To see how I feel –

in free air.

But I get afraid,

Never though I think.


Sometimes I think, I walk naked in the street,

to let my body feel the fresh air,

to have a new look around

And to let the ‘around’ get a new look

about me.

But I am too nervous,

But never mind, I think of it (often).


Sometimes I think I should try Hashish

to fly a little bit high (as they say),

to some distant corners of my mind,

where I was never been before.

But I am afraid,

I will get addict.

Never though, I think.


Sometimes I think, the sky is so wonderful,

so nice blue,

and I would love to touch it,

but my physical hand

is just a little longer than a meter

so I only dream….

May be some day…(may be) some day….


Sometimes I think ,

I tell you that

I love you deep,

Very deep, like that deep-blue sky above

But I don’t,

I only think.


Sometimes I think

I take your hand (first),

then come closer to you (second),

And then kiss you, very softly (third).

But I never do,

I only think…

Sometimes I think

I am only thinking,

If I knew,

When will it end?


Sometimes I think I make the day lazy,

do nothing –

but I can’t.

I start doing something.


Sometimes I think

I go for a walk

Never ending,

or will end somewhere.

but I am too skeptical,

I can’t leave my life.

I need my bier, Krombacher

Need to see –

What Homer Simpson will be

doing tonight.


Sometimes I think

I kiss you long, longer…..

Time will end,

but not our Kiss,

And if Gustav Klimt

would have seen it(!)

But it never happens.

Never though, I think.


Sometimes I think,

I need a ‘change’

So I need to talk to Obama.

He is a ‘Change master’,

He knocked-out Romney and Senator Cain.

But I can’t,

He is too far to reach

I only watch him on TV,

Chanting his ‘Change’ mantra.

But nevertheless I continue thinking,

It never changes.

Alex could not resist anymore but started to laugh. He thinks, he needs a second cup coffee. He just finished with his dentist, came to his favorite Café ‘Jaguar’, ordered a cup of coffee. His two hours ‘doctor’s break’ will be over soon.

It will be a long day today. His Boss Robin ‘The Disturbing Hood’ has ‘birthday habit’. Robin was born somewhere in the middle of 60’s and by the Grace of Almighty Lord he stepped out on Earth at fifteen to twelve in the midnight. That what Robin’s father noted in his diary. Robin read it. Now every 20th of the month all his chickens need to be in office till midnight to celebrate his birthday. On the other side of the story, you can be at office around noon next day. That’s no problem. Robin is happy.

On this special day Robin is the sole speaker. Others listen but as compensation they are served with the best dinner of the town. Here Robin talks about his family, friends and of course, about himself.

So you know how his Dad taught him riding the horses, how one of his Aunts encouraged him to have sex with the daughter of neighboring farmer, how all the women at the farm house burst into loud laughter when the story came to daylight, and all men left their works in fields early afternoon and sat to drink bier. His Dad slapped his shoulder with a prideful gesture as if Alexander the Great returned home victorious after conquering India. Only Ralph, his elder brother, got quiet. He was 21 but still untouched, still a boy. But Robin proved himself a man. He was just 16. Alex wondered what they are going to hear tonight.

The most interesting one, Alex thinks he heard till now, is the story of how Robin met his wife Renata.

Robin was in Berlin to meet a business colleague. It was Sunday. But the young Robin Hood did not mind about the weekend but about the money. It could be a big deal for him. He is expecting something. The two men had a successful talk, Robin was happy. They went to a bar in the evening. Though he wanted to leave early as he had to drive back home but somehow the night got longer. When he came out of the bar it was going to one in the morning. Robin looked-up. Surprisingly the sky was very clear, full of stars. He tried to remember if weather report forecasted such a wonderful night but he couldn’t. He got little drunk by now. His mind became restless. He thought to go to the famous Berliner brothel ‘Bordello de la Piearreo Martini Pi pong’. Owner Robert Blinddorf is his school friend.

‘No, I should see Robert. I haven’t seen him more than a month’, Robin murmured. So he set his mind, started to walk. It’s just twenty minutes from the bar at Sleepless Street 39, in the western Quarter of Berlin. Part of the night is already over, now the rest be sleepless. Robin doesn’t mind.

While on highway his car suddenly broke down. He parked on the side, started to figure out the problem. A little later a Volvo stopped next to him.

‘Do you need any help’, a sweet voice shattered Robin’s concentration.

‘Yes of course. You see, my car broke down’, Robin was quick to reply.

‘I am Renata’, the 19-year old blonde introduced herself.

‘I am Robin, Robin Palmfield’.

Both tried but Robin’s six-months old Volkswagen showed no green sign that it will let its wheel run again on the highway. So Renata offerd him a drive to his office. She lives in the same city. Soon they discovered they are just two buildings away in the business district.

‘So have you been visiting your parents’, Reneata asked.

‘No, my parents live in GreenPeter, a small town near Düsseldorf. I had a business trip in Berlin’

‘Ohh, on weekend!’, it took her with a surprise. ‘How was it, if may I ask you’.

‘Yes, it was so good. I got my biggest contract ever’, Robin is happy and someway proud of the achievement.

‘Great. So how did you celebrate it’, Renata is curious.

‘Well, we went to a bar, drank bier. Afterwards my colleague went back home, he lives in Berlin. And I went to Pi pong’, Robin doesn’t see any reason to hide anything. He is a rich man. To him money matters, ‘morality’ not that much.

‘Ohh…..I see’, Renata is overwhelmed with the truth Robin just shared with her. She had Mark (‘the sweet liar’), Larson (‘the true cheater’) and Kanu (‘the playboy’). All lied to her to some degrees sometime during her relation with them. But this one seems to be a ‘true gut’. She looked at him with an admiring smile, ‘So what did you do there?’ Renata wants to know more.

‘I went from

one room to the other

It was full.

Customers vary, young to very old

but that doesn’t bother

I had my time with two native Martians,

And it was cool.’

Robin explained. In two months they got married and living happily since then though Robin can be spotted occasionally in Pi pong especially Sunday late night. He needs to see Robert.

Alex finished his second cup. No more time to kill. Boss is waiting for him. They are supposed to finalize a draft contract by late afternoon. He jumped out of Jaguar.


Halle by the River Saale.

March 12, 2013.

It’s Tuesday today. 

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